10 Statements/Questions That Will Kill Your Friendships With Your Single Friends

Okay, I came across an article originally published by Woman's Day. The title of the article is 10 Things Never To Say To Singles. For proper citation purposes, the original article can be viewed here:

Now usually, most of my posts will be motivating, positive, thoughtful and bright. Tonight's post will still be motivating, and thoughtful. However, there's nothing sunny about what I'm about to say. This is definitely a "Bitter Rinds"/ "Sour Lemons" post.

See, when I read the original article, I was immediately intrigued. Being a single of a certain age, my ears perked right up, eager to see a list of things that one should never think about saying to their single friends.
You see, although Sex And The City has done A LOT to validate singles, especially the over-35 single, I still can't help but to feel that I'm like an overgrown child that has been designated to sit at the kiddie table, blowing bubbles in my milk.

I can't help but to feel the pressure of taking control of this marital 'waiting game' by simply giving up the game altogether.

Society can cheer us singles on with all of the "rah-rah" mantras but the reality is, it can be downright challenging for me and for others like me to maintain our dignity as a self-sufficient, functioning single adult, doing the best we can with the lives we currently live. This is why I and others like me don't need to be on the receiving end of thoughtless, patronizing, immobilizing comments like the ones I'm going to post.

Here is my version of the "list from hell" , of things you should NEVER, EVER say to your single friends, unless you are secretly planning on ending your friendship with said single person:

1. Why Aren't You Maaaariiiiied? (WHYYYYY aren't you married? WHHHHHHHY aren't YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU MAR-REEED?!?)
Cause I'm not, you jerk! I ask myself that question all the time. I've been planning different versions of my wedding dress since oh, around 1983-1984. Do you know that it's all that I can do to NOT blame myself for still being single?

But seriously, is this not the most pomp, most self-satisfied, superior question you can ask a single person? I think so. But wait, it gets worse :D

2. Ya ever tried the online dating thing?

Yeah, actually I have. I might even try this again when the time is right. I don't need you (Snobby so-called friend) telling me when that time is right!

3. You might be acting too picky!

Oh, excuse me for having standards. I'm sorry I wasn't born in the 1950s or 1960s, when the best that a woman could hope for was to "get the ring" and be taken care of. You see,  I was born during women's lib. This means that the world expects me to take care of myself. This also means that I don't have to settle on a marriage partner!

4. You'll find "the one" when you stop looking for him.

Okay, someone get me a bucket right now! Of all of the trite, talking-to-a-four-year-old things to say to someone!

5. What happened to that guy you were seeing?
He's gone! That's why I'm currently single. I don't need to be reminded of that, screw you very much!

6. You singles have it great!

This is one of my personal favorites. Yeah, it was really great to be single when I had the flu and I was too weak to even get out of bed to get a glass of water from the kitchen, with no one to help me.

It was so friggin' awesome to be single when I had to go to the emergency room, with no one to take me there or back. I loved coming home with no one to cook for me or care for me. I super enjoyed being single when I had surgery and no one was there to tend to me or comfort me.

And, can I please share how much of of thrill it is to work even when I'm feeling sick, crappy, depressed, anxious, etc., because there is no one else to pay the bills but me?

Yeah, GOOD TIMES! Oh, I could go on and on...

7. Get out more/Get off the computer/Stop working so much. THEN, you'll meet "the one".

And who's to say that I'm not "out there". More to the point, who is anyone to tell me how much work to do, or not do? Why are you painting me out to be an anti-social freak? Apparently, you know of this magical place where men are JUST WAITING for me, IF ONLY I would just get "out there".

8. You need to smile more, wear different clothes (On and on)
Okay, how many back-handed complements or directly horrendous orders can one person come up with? This is such a horrible admonishment, I can't even express this in words that I'd post on this blog.

9. You're still so yoooouuuuuuuuung.
No I'm not! I'm friggin' 41 years old. No, while I'm not the friggin "Kript Keeper", I'm not 4. Or 14. Or 24. I'm not even 34 anymore.

I'm not friggin young. Stop patronizing me like I am!!!!

10. Everyone isn't meant to get married

Okay, why don't you just give me a white flag to wave while you're at it?

**Bonus barf-tastic statement/question: Why do you need to get married/have a man?

I just "lurve it" when patronizing folks (Okay,  mostly women) make me feel like a needy, pathetic thing just because I want a permanent partner in my life. I especially "lurve it" when I'm told to just...settle for a dog, or a cat.

Look, I don't EVEN want to know what's going down in the homes of these super pet lovers, but I'm saving my lovin' for the right HUMAN man. No apologies!

Coming This Week: Are You Offending Your Single Friends/Paying Forward Magazine Love

Hi "Lemon Drops"!

This week, I'll discuss some information that I found that will help you to stop offending your single friends. I'll also share what you can do to pay your love of magazines forward, while bringing sanity to your life.

Yours truly is hard at work today so this post will be short. In the meantime, feel free to browse some of the previous posts. My b-day was on the 16th of this month and I'm quite proud of my Big-A B-Day post project that four different bloggers/entrepreneurs participated in.

Don't forget to sign up for more info in the opt-in box to the right. BTW, if you're a blogger or a webmaster and you keep forgetting to include an opt-in form on your site, just click my Aweber button on the right column. They'll set you up nicely. I REALLY do love Aweber (tee hee!).

Little Sips Post: Success Leaves Clues

I was reminded of a quote a few days ago: Success leaves clues.

I wholeheartedly agree. Not only can you look at aspects of a person's life to learn why they are successful, you can gather clues about a person that inform you are dealing with a person who is successful in their own right.

On the other hand, I've also found myself recently exposed to people who aren't the least bit interested or motivated in being successful on any level, or in any way. So, based on this, I've created my own quote:

"Success leaves clues". So does failure.

Birthday BONUS post: The last lesson of my 1st year of being in my 40s

Okay, so as you can see, I've introduced 4 people, via 4 blog posts. This was done on purpose. See, I turn 41 today. So, I thought that it would be cool (In my corny way), to feature a blogger for every decade of my life. Since there's now an extra year in there, I'm going to tie this project up with a bow so to speak, with thoughts of my own life.

I've learned SO MUCH  this first year of being 40. I don't have the list that I started around Feb of 2012. At that time, I was trying so hard to prepare myself to leave my 30s and become 40. These were a list of lessons that I was so proud to have learned because truly, I felt as if my figurative "light bulbs" were turning on. All those happy, crazy, crappy, why-God-why experiences that I had so far, were starting to make sense!

I didn't even have to try to make them make sense. They just WERE all starting to make sense!

I can share that although I shed tears about turning 40 last year, the truth is, I've never felt so engaged in my life before. Truly, as I was thinking this morning, I realized that I've never been so engaged in the direction of my career. As I was planning my grocery list, I realized that I've never ate as many vegetables or fresh fruit as I have, just the first part of this year! I've never truly understood why I needed to exercise as much as I have come to understand it (Although I'm still challenged in the implementation phase of exercise) :P .

And boy, did I get so much done last year! No where near as much as I would have liked to, but I got  A LOT done! I moved into a new home. I reached out to my first love (That didn't work out but that was the first time I tried to reach him in over 20 yrs!).  I took an old two-page story from 2006 and turned it into a book! Yeah folks, I'm a published author, thanks to Amazon's program.

I've made lots of valuable career contacts. I've learned how to participate and direct my own life, instead of being carried by the tides of life, reacting to my "drama and trauma du-jours".

I could go on, but here's one more lesson that I've learned. It actually comes from an old saying. It goes, "Grow where you're planted". 

Close to where I live, there's a sidewalk across the street from a hospital. The sidewalk runs alongside a parking garage. One Saturday I was walking, when I noticed an elderly couple staring intensely at the ground.

I asked them what happened and they pointed to a lone wildflower growing out of the crack of the sidewalk. This was special for a couple of reasons. First, it was one of my state's beautiful wildflowers. It was actually the state flower. Second, that flower usually grows abundantly in green grassy fields, not in a crack of a busy urban sidewalk. I wish I was able to take a photo of that flower in the crack of the sidewalk. I'll have to go back to that location.

But here's the lesson: That flower grew in a place that it didn't belong. The strong spring winds blew pollen and seeds around, and that's where that flower's seed landed. In spite of having to grow up in a crack of the sidewalk, the flower still grew tall and beautiful. Why? Because it didn't know how to do anything else!

I've realized that I've been blessed with gifts, talents and skills that inform me and guide me on my journey in life. It doesn't matter that I'm not currently living in "the right" city. It shouldn't matter that I don't have the right people in my life. What matters is that I take what I've been designed with and grow where I'm planted.  
I need to become what I'm meant to be, because there really is no other option. The location where I start to bloom is neither here nor there. What matters is that I accept what God and the universe has in store for me, and allow myself to grow.

How about you? How are you growing where you are planted? Do you see your need to become who are naturally are?

Birthday Post no.4: AnneMarie Cross Writes To Victims Of The Tall Poppy Syndrome

Annemarie Cross is a new online contact in my life. However, after reading her blog posts late one evening, I knew that I needed to tune into more of what Annemarie was writing about. I quickly signed up for her email list and reached out to her via Twitter.

She was kind enough to message me back right away and she's given me permission to link to an AMAZING post that I found her her blog. She provides comforting word, regarding what to do when you're the victim of The Tall Growing Poppy Syndrome.

If you look towards the bottom, you'll see that I commented (hee hee). You'll also see that my comment was the only post this year. That's because this post was originally published exactly two years ago! Regardless of when it was originally published, the message is still very timely.

See, I live in the U.S. There's not really a formal name for instances of people treating others abusively out of jealousy. But apparently in Australia and in New Zealand, there is a name for this behavior and it's called The Tall Growing Poppy Syndrome or Tall Poppy Syndrome. 

Tall Poppy Syndrome is what takes place when people in one's personal or professional life, bully someone who shines. The abused person is clearly growing, taking pleasure and pride in themselves and in their work. They should be someone that anyone would be proud to associate with!

Instead, this person is lashed out at, ridiculed or stonewalled. They are made to feel ashamed for being awesome.Can you imagine such nonsense? But I've learned that sometimes, people make no sense. I've also learned that jealousy is self-hatred turned outward.  Nonetheless, it still hurts when it's directed at you.

Have you ever experienced Tall Growing Poppy Syndrome? Here in the U.S., the closest term we've adopted for this, is an 'urban' term, which is "being a hater". If you think of it, this goes along with my theory. Jealousy is really self-hatred projected upon others. It truly feels like hate if you've ever experienced it. You can understand in the front of your mind that your "hater" has issues, but it hurts like hell to be on the receiving end of their hatred for themselves and you.

So here's a saying, a quote from me to you about haters: "Use their 'hater-aide' as your rocket fuel".

And keep reminding yourself that if people are "hating" on you, you MUST be on the right track in life!

Birthday Post no 3.: Introducing Wendy McCance & Searching For The Happiness

I found Wendy via LinkedIn some time last year. We corresponded a bit and that's when I found the first incarnation of her inspirational blog, Searching For The Happiness. I still follow her on Twitter. You can find her at @w_mccance.

I really took to Wendy's posts, because she was so real and vulnerable about who she is, regarding her past and current life, and all of the people in it. She challenged her readers with posts about parenthood, marriage, and starting a new career path. Wendy is still sharing excellent tales, but she's upgraded her platform in an amazing way. She's graciously allowed me to share a link to her site. I'm not going to post any of her particular posts, but you can learn more about how she inspires her readers at Searching For The Happiness

Birthday Post no. 2: What Are Your Dream Quenchers?, by K'Lee Banks

K'Lee and I know each other by our association on a work from home forum. When she read my blog and realized that we are of the same writing spirit, she eagerly wanted to be part of this project.

K'Lee Banks has been providing professional freelance services since early 2008.  These services include writing, editing, instructional design, and curriculum development. K'Lee is also in the dissertation phase of her Doctor of Education (EdD) program, in a dual concentration of Educational Technology and E-Learning. She is the mother of four young adults, grandmother of one, and currently lives in Maine with her husband
and their collection of "fur babies" that includes one puppy and six cats (five of which were formerly feral kittens who arrived in their back yard in 2009!)

She has given me permission to link to her title post on her blog. You can click and read it here. 

I can definitely relate to a lot of the points that she makes. I know as a writer/blogger/baby entrepreneur/bill-payer/disabled person/single woman, I always tend to feel like there's too much creativity and not enough daylight hours, time or money. However, I've also tend to motivate myself  by telling myself that I have to run my own race. I can't compare my output or my outcome with what others are doing. I have to do the best that I can with the resources that I have as an individual, and as a single woman.

How do you keep things together when you have too much on your mind, with not enough resources or energy to get it all done?